Home Quotes Top 350+ Funny Words of Wisdom That Will Make You Chuckle

Top 350+ Funny Words of Wisdom That Will Make You Chuckle

by Love Messages

Funny words of wisdom can be the key to a successful marriage. We are all inundated with advice to the contrary. We have an entire series of Marriage Courses on television and magazines to read about it. Many people even have courses about marriage courses. Why is it so hard to understand and come to the conclusion that there will always be problems and disagreements in marriages? Of course, there are plenty of problems and disagreements but this doesn’t mean that you cannot succeed. There will always be moments where you will need some sage advice, that’s perfectly natural.

There are some marriages that make it through these difficulties and become successful in their lives. If you are one of those couples, it might be because of a witty quip that was made by your spouse. It might be because of a simple example that was laid out by your spouse. You can find many great quotes online and many of them will surely help you to keep your marriage together. These are just the types of things that can help.

This is something that most people do not consider as an important, but a common issue between spouses. A lot of times, we will get stuck in a situation and we will either forget what our spouses are telling us or not listen to them at all. When this happens, it is only a matter of time before you get the two of you out of that situation. If you listen and heed what your spouse has to say, then you should be able to continue on in your marriage. Funny words of wisdom can go a long way to helping you maintain that relationship. So, be a wise listener and take a few moments to really reflect on what your spouse has to say. Now, check out our furnished list of Funny Words of Wisdom and sayings.

Words of Wisdom and Sayings

 

Best Funny Words of Wisdom and Sayings

Establishing goals is all right if you don’t let them deprive you of interesting detours. Doug Larsen
Goal Setting

Build on what makes you different from your competition. . . You need to be the red tree in the forest. Nick Maley, The Do or Do Not Outlook
Graduation

To Retirement! It’s nice to get out of the rat race, But you have to learn to get along with less cheese. Gene Perret
Retirement

You only need listen to yourselves. It reminds me of an old proverb: ‘If and When were planted, and Nothing grew’. Catherine Pulsifer, If and When Were Planted
Listening

It is difficult, but not impossible, to conduct strictly honest business. Mahatma Gandhi
Motivational Quotes for Work

Our minds are like monkeys, swinging from one thought to another like monkeys on a tree. As a result, we always feel as if a sense of order, balance, awareness and concentration elude us, because we are always doing, always acting. Debeena Harris, Mindfulness: Mindfulness For Beginners
Positive Thinking

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today. Laurence J. Peter
Future

Remember that sometimes people laugh when something is actually funny, but often they laugh when they lack the imagination to understand the situation. John Barrett, SoS-Life Enhancement
Imagination

One of the most successful ways companies get the consumer’s attention is by presenting the product in a funny or emotional way. Arlene Battishill, Retail Shock Therapy
Success

Establishing goals is all right if you don’t let them deprive you of interesting detours.
Doug Larsen
Establishing goals is all right if you don’t let them deprive you of interesting detours. Doug Larsen
Goal Setting

Build on what makes you different from your competition. . . You need to be the red tree in the forest. Nick Maley, The Do or Do Not Outlook
Graduation

To Retirement! It’s nice to get out of the rat race, But you have to learn to get along with less cheese. Gene Perret
Retirement

You only need listen to yourselves. It reminds me of an old proverb: ‘If and When were planted, and Nothing grew’.  Catherine Pulsifer, If and When Were Planted
Listening

It is difficult, but not impossible, to conduct strictly honest business.” Mahatma Gandhi
Motivational Quotes for Work

The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.
Bill Copeland
The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score. Bill Copeland
Life Goals

Visualize something totally funny or crazy! This will instantly change how you feel because you can’t visualize two things at the same time. Mark Snyder, Developing Good Habits
Vision

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be meetings. Dave Barry
Achievement

A funny thing happens when we start keeping promises to ourselves – we become unstoppable.
Ken Fite
A funny thing happens when we start keeping promises to ourselves – we become unstoppable. Ken Fite, The Dash
Purpose

I am not an advocate of pity parties. They allow you to wallow in misery and drag yourself even further into the depths of woe. But sometimes having a good cry is like changing the oil in your car. You got 3000 miles out of that batch, now you have 3000 miles to go before another. Sandra Bullock Smith, Trading Places
Positive Attitude

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. Oscar Wilde
New Year Resolution

Water’s like me. It’s lazy. Boy, it always looks for the easiest way to do things. Bob Ross
Funny Retirement Quotes

To be taught to read -what is the use of that, if you know not whether what you read is false or true? John Ruskin
Truth

Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. It may not be difficult to store up in the mind a vast quantity of facts within a comparatively short time, but the ability to form judgments requires the severe discipline of hard work and the tempering heat of experien – Calvin Coolidge

Never let your head hang down. Never give up and sit down and grieve. Find another way. And don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines – Richard M. Nixon

People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their live – J. Michael Straczynski

A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them – John C. Maxwell

More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren’t so busy denying them. – Harold J. Smith

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, and most fools do. – Benjamin Franklin

Everything you’re looking for lies behind the mask you wear. – Stephen C. Paul

When you give up your own truth to win at someone else’s game everyone loses. – Stephen C. Paul

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. – Theodore Roosevelt

Your relationships reflect your fears and limits. How can anyone ever give you what you won’t allow?” – Stephen C. Paul

That which you resist will persist.

Inspirational Words Of Wisdom

 Cool Words of wisdom

If you haven’t any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

It is easier to fight for one’s principals than to live up to them. – Alfred Adler

We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go we take a little of each other everywhere.

Things don’t have to change the world to be important. – Steve Jobs

Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.

Don’t walk in front of me I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend.

If we truly realized how precious the “Gift” of life is, we would not waste a moment trying to improve it. If we really understood how precious we are to the “Gift” of life we would not waste time trying to fix ourselves.

Our one choice: All men and women are born, live, suffer and die; what distinguishes us one from another is our dreams. Weather they be dreams about worldly or unworldly things, and what we do to make them come about.

Do not wish to be anything but what you are and to be that perfectly.

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

Even if you’re on the right track you’ll get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers

The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.

While you are proclaiming peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart.

There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.

 Funny words of wisdom for graduates

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

It is not how much you have that makes people look up to you, it’s who you are.

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.

It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.

People may fail many times, but they become failures only when they begin to blame someone else.

The only way to find the limits of the possible is by going beyond them to the impossible.

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.  – Milton Berle

In the pursuit of happiness, the difficulty lies in knowing when you have caught up.

Words of wisdom about life

I’ve met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you – you’re 20 minutes.” Jan Sterling
Tolerance

Life must bring ups and downs.
In life’s ring let’s be clowns!
Learn their way to make folk smile;
Dullest day, hardest mile.
Wilhelmina Stitch
Funny Poems

Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get. Ray Kroc
Motivational Quotes

Watching a person who successfully loses fifty pounds and changes her life is more inspirational than listening to a fitness coach with a perfect body. Martin Meadows, How to Think Bigger
Inspirational Quotes

There are two sources of unhappiness in life. One is not getting what you want and the other is getting it. Cassey Stolrich, How to be Happy In Life
Happiness

You are upgrading your technology, and you’ve not upgraded yourself! Eric Thomas
Personal Development Quotes

I guess we do all become our Mothers eventually and we have daughters like ourselves. Helen C. Escott, I Am Funny Like That
Mother Daughter Quotes

A cousin is a person who knows all of your warts and faults yet has a heart filled with love for all those like me that stumble upon the way. Happy birthday! Byron Pulsifer
Happy Birthday Cuz

If the grass is greener on the other side it’s probably getting better care. Earl Nightingale
Short Quotes

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.” Bernard Bailey
Funny Quotes

The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” Madeleine L’Engle
Inspirational Sayings

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” Mark Twain
21st Birthday Quotes plus 30th, 40th, 50th
Every parent can relate to this saying. While it appears funny, it has a lot of wisdom in it.

Nothing pains some people more than having to think.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Pain

Without Sunday, I wouldn’t know when to put on the brakes of a hurtling life. Byron Pulsifer
Sunday Quotes

Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. Carl Sandburg
Inspirational Quotes about Life and Struggles
A good analogy. Living life has its ups and downs, sad times and happy times, challenging times and easy times!

Running a multimillion dollar business can feel like a piece of cake when facing a defiant and dramatic teenage daughter.” Colleen O’Grady, Dial Down the Drama
Daughter

There is more to life than increasing its speed. Mahatma Gandhi
Cute Life Quotes

Angels have no boundaries but are willing to respect yours.

Enlightenment is not achieved by repeating the word “God” but by directly experiencing God.

We can not take credit for our talents. It’s how we use them that counts.

Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men – Confucius

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you’d have preferred to talk – Doug Larson

Everywhere, truly those of integrity stand apart. They the good don’t chatter in hopes of favor or gains. When touched by pleasure or by pain the wise give no sign of highs or lows.

Recognize that you have the courage within you to fulfill the purpose of your birth. Summon forth the power of your inner courage and live the life of your dreams.

First I gave up action. Then idle words, and lastly thought itself. Now I am here.

Often we need to wait for things to unfold gloriously and to take time to listen to the angels. Good things come to those who wait to accept them with a grateful heart.

Although there are countless teachings that instruct how to obtain enlightenment in a future life, almost all of them are nothing more than expedients, as the ultimate instruction there is simply no teaching that is superior to the true practice of the awakening to one’s own nature.

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. – Carl Bard

When the heart grieves over what it has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left.” – Sufi

Neglecting valuable advice, an ignorant man becomes the cause of his own misery.

There may be more to learn from climbing the same mountain a hundred times then by climbing a hundred different mountains.” – Richard Nelson

Learn to look with an equal eye upon all beings, seeing the one Self in all.  – Srimad Bhagavatam

Words of wisdom funny one-liners

Doubt limits you from what is already yours, but faith unlocks the doors allowing you to walk in and receive it. – Jeannette Tyson Gregory

Heading in the wrong direction? God allows U turns.

The Ten Commandments are not multiple choice.

My way is the highway – God

You can tell that you’re doing the right thing if it feels effortless.

My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me. – Henry Ford

If you are doing your best you will not have time to worry about failure. – Robert S. Hillyer

Before you speak ask yourself, is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve on the silence? – Sai Baba

It’s impossible to have too much fun.

Faith doesn’t get you around trouble, it gets you through it.

It’s not enough to know your truth, you must live it. – Stephen C. Paul

If you keep doing what you’ve always done – you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.  – Kenneth Blanchard

If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that. – Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Happiness isn’t getting what you want, but experiencing who you are.

When you relinquish the desire to control your future you obtain happiness. – Nicole Kidman

Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people. — Admiral Hyman G. Rickover – 1900-1986

To be blind is bad, but worse is to have eyes and not see. – Helen Keller

Funny words of wisdom for marriage

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. – Michel de Montaigne

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

Married Life is so easy, it’s just like a walk in the park. But the problem is that the park is..’Jurassic Park!’

Marriage is the bond between a person who never remember anniversaries and another who never forgets them. – Ogden Nash

Never laugh at your wife’s choices, you are one of them; Never be proud of your choices, your wife is one of them.

Maths after marriage is simple. If you have $20 and your wife has $5, she has $25 😉Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry, they argue and disagree all the time, but they still can’t live without each other.

If u want to be happy with a man, love him less & understand him more..If u want to be happy with a women, love her more and never try to understand her..

Listening to wife is like reading the terms & conditions of website. You understand nothing, but still you say: “I Agree!”

Marriage is not a noun, it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. it’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.

Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and a woman gets her master’s degree.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

He stole my heart so I am planning revenge..I am going to take his Last Name.

Two golden rules to a happy marriage: 1. The wife is always right. 2. When you feel she is wrong slap yourself and read rule no. 1 again.

Marriage let you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore..

If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. – Rita Rudner

Husbands are the best people to share your secrets with. They’ll never tell anyone because they aren’t even listening.

If at first you don’t succeed..try doing it the way your wife told you.

Marriage is a workshop..where husband works & wife shops..

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.

Love is blind. But marriage restores its sight.

My husband thinks I’m crazy, however he’s the one who married me.

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.

A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It’s when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.

Don’t marry someone you can live with, marry the person who you cannot live without.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage marks the end of a love story and the start of a wrestling match.

Before you got married, you were madly in love with each other. Now you will be mad at each other as well.

Before marrying someone, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet, just to see who they really are.

The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.

Welcome to the dangerous world of married life. It‘s too late to repent! Have an amazing journey!

In life we should always keep our eyes wide open. However, after marriage it‘s better to close them at times!

Being married is like having a best friend who doesn’t remember anything you say.

Marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you, so that they won’t eat all of yours 😉

A happy marriage is not based on the number of days, months or years you’ve been together. A happy marriage is about how much you love each other.

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know ‘What goes in it’.

Marriage doesn’t make you happy — you make your marriage happy.

They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; After marriage, it is self defense.

Husbands, love your wives well..Your children are noticing how you treat her. You are teaching your sons how they should treat women, and you are teaching your daughters what they should expect from men.

Treat her like you’re still trying to win her and that’s how you’ll never lose her.

READ ALSO: 80 Best Funny motivational quotes

Inappropriate words of wisdom

With patience you can even cook a stone. (One of the best quotes to live by)

Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there’s footprints on the moon.

Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.

It’s important to make someone happy, and it’s important to start with yourself.

If you settle for just anything, you’ll never know what you’re truly worthy of.

In life, you get what you put in. Everything comes back around.

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive about what could go right.

Everyday is a new beginning, take a deep breath and start again.

If you wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.

Don’t live your fears, live your dreams.

Death is not the greatest loss in life; the greatest loss is what dies inside while you’re still alive.

Talent is given, greatness is earned.

Don’t let someone else’s opinion of you become your reality.

Listen, smile, agree and then do whatever you were going to do anyway.

Never let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.

The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.

The higher you climb the better the view.

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. – Vivian Greene

Opportunity is missed by people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously, that you might as well not have lived at all- In which case you fail by default.

If you do not go after go after what you want, you will never have it. If you do not ask, the answer will always be NO. If you do not step forward, you will always be

Inappropriate words of wisdom

 

Sarcastic quotes and sayings

Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.

Find your patience before I lose mine.

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.  – Ashleigh Brillia

Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.

Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

Funny words of wisdom for graduates

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.

People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.

Funny words of wisdom for work

If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.

Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.

Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard.

Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.

Sarcastic quotes and sayings

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